


Dying to Find Out

by presumablynot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3439307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/presumablynot/pseuds/presumablynot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heaven and Hell is an odd mix, isn't it? Tessa and Abaddon work together, argue together, and sleep together, before it all comes crashing down.</p><p>Set before/during season 9, but vastly diverges from canon</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying to Find Out

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for last year's [spn femslash minibang](http://spnfemminibang.livejournal.com/) but dropped out because i couldn't meet the word count in time. Finally, I decided to post what I wrote anyway.
> 
> Just be warned that it does get somewhat dark, so if that's not your thing I wouldn't suggest reading this.

It was just another routine reaping. Patrice was woman in her mid-seventies. She had been preparing a low-fat chicken salad, alone in her apartment, when she had a stroke. The phone was down the hall, and she passed out before she had a chance to dial 911.

When she awoke, she could tell immediately that she had not truly woken. A few feet away from Patrice was a woman sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Patrice who looked similar to her daughter, but different enough that there was no genuine confusion. Strawberry blond hair just starting to grey, a squared jaw, and wide eyes with pale blue irises.

“Hello Patrice, I’m Tessa,” the woman said with a sweetness in her voice that was perfected after centuries of practice. “How are you doing?”

“Why, I-” Patrice started “You look just like Maria. Who are you? What’s happened?” she asked. She was getting anxious.

“I’m here to take you onward. The appearance was just to make you feel more comfortable, but I apologize if it put you on edge.” This woman was old. She knew her time was up, and would understand it was her time to go. Rarely did people like her put up a fight when Tessa came to reap them.

“What about my body? Won’t they need to bury me?” She glanced down at her hands, looking solid as ever. Surely this woman wouldn’t take all of her to heaven- or, well hopefully heaven.

“You’ve already been detached from your body,” Tessa said with a small smile. “In fact, you’re sitting on it right now,” she added.

Shocked, Practice turned to look beside her, and saw arms spread out looking very dead. “but that’s- is that me?”

Tessa nodded.

“Well I suppose it is then. How about that!” She was more relaxed already. “Oh, but I just wish I could say goodbye to Maria. Can I go see her before we go? Where are we going anyway?”

I’m not allowed to talk about what comes after,” she said with an apologetic look. Then, in a half-whisper she said “But between you and me, you’ve led a good life and I wouldn’t be too worried. I’ll take you to see your daughter, but then we have to go.”

Tessa offered out her hand and Patrice accepted it. A moment later, they were in a New York office building, watching Maria sit at her desk with a large cup of coffee and a stack of papers. Patrice went over and kissed her forehead. Maria paused for the slightest moment, feeling something move within her. Then she went back to work as usual. She wouldn’t find out about her mother’s death for another five hours.

“I’m ready to go”  

Tessa smiled and motioned her to follow. As the two of them started walking towards the door, the room seemed to fade into white. They reached a corridor; it was one Patrice had never seen before, one that was definitely not part of Maria’s office building.

Tessa sighed in relief at nearly completing the job with relative ease. All she had to do was deliver this woman to heaven and she’d be done with work for the day. She led her down the seemingly endless corridor, making a few turns, passing some closed doors, until they reached the right door. She turned the silver handle, but her relief turned to panic when she saw what was inside the room.

A demon stood before her. There was no way there should be a demon standing at the edge of heaven, getting in her way like this.

"Why are you here?" Tessa demanded. The redhead demon's stare intensified. "H-how are you here?" she asked, quieter.

"The technicalities aren't important, Tessa, darling. What's important is that you cooperate. I've been watching you for a while and you're definitely promising." Tessa was frozen, only moved her head an inch to glance at Patrice to make sure she was okay. (She wasn't. She was obviously petrified, but Tessa couldn't do anything about that)

"What do you want me to do," she asked cautiously, but it was more of a statement than a question. For now she had no choice but to play along anyway, since this demon seemed powerful. Not just anyone could get into here. There was no harm in finding out more in order to assess the situation, she determined.

"First, ditch that hideous vessel. You look downright matronly"

"It's not a vessel," she said tersely. "I don't take anyone's bodily autonomy in order to exist and do my job."

There was a moment when neither said anything, but then the demon quirked an eyebrow.

“Fine” Tessa replied. She closed her eyes for just a moment and transformed into a tall, olive-skinned man in a suit. “And I prefer you address me as Tess when I look like this. More neutral.” He said.

“Well, Tess,” she said bitterly, “You have certain connections I lack. I think we would make good friends. Complement each other's skills and such."

"First tell me who you are and why I should ever befriend a demon.”

"Abbadon. Get rid of the dead girl and then I’ll tell you more. She’s already heard enough."

Tess didn't try to escape when he walked Patrice the rest of the way to heaven. He sent her off, but was too distracted to explain what it was going to be like for her in this life after death. She'd figure it out soon enough anyway. He also didn’t explain anything about what had just happened, despite all her questioning looks.

"Sorry I freaked you out," Abaddon said when Tess returned, and she almost sounded genuine. "I just thought this would be the best place to approach you, away from the public eye.”

She said she just wanted to talk. So for a while, they did. They moved to a different area of the vast room where they could sit on sofas and where Abaddon insisted on propping her legs up on the small, wooden table.

They talked about music, comparing modern musicians to ancient composers. They talked about family. Abaddon once had a family, long ago as a human, but now she was very much alone. Tess considered the other reapers to be his family, and the angels were like the extended family he didn't get along with but still loved in some small way.

They spoke about vessels and forms. It turned out that Abaddon despised having to look like someone other than herself, but that if you use the same person as a meat suit long enough they start to look like you anyway. She told Tess that she liked how Tessa looked around Dean Winchester, with dark hair that brushed her shoulders and a cute smile that rarely showed.  

"Like this?" Tess closed his eyes for a moment, transformed, and then opened them.

"Ha! Yes, that's the one. Do you mind staying like that for a while?" She beamed.

"You know," Tessa mused, " I've never felt bound to a particular face, height, gender, none of it. It seems silly to get too caught up in that stuff. That's not to say I don't have preferences for how I look when I'm not in my true form, but I'm very fluid about the whole thing, about how I present myself. Mostly it's just to make the souls I reap feel more comfortable." She slowed her speech as if coming out of a trance. She didn't trust this woman, this demon, so why was she sharing so much personal information? She had to interrupt what had become a surprisingly lively chat. "What is this all about, really? Why are you here?"

That was the second time that day she asked why Abaddon was there, but it was different this time, less urgent. This time, she would actually get an answer.

"You're good at your job, and I admire that. And we have something in common."

"What's that?"

"It's in our best interests not to have Crowley in power."

"I don't give a damn about Crowley. He deals with hell, and I serve heaven"

“You mean the heaven that’s debased? That lets in just about everyone who hasn’t made a deal with a crossroads demon? What a worthy cause.”            

“And you’re such a gem yourself. You still haven’t told me what you even want.”            

“I want to team up. We can redirect those unworthy souls to me, and I’ll bring them to hell.” She wanted to build an army. “I’ll use them to bring down Crowley. He’s inexperienced His regime is doomed to fail. I just don’t want all of fail to turn to chaos when that happens. They need me, Tessa. Hell needs us.” She gave that a moment to sink in.

“Besides,” She added, “I know you don’t serve heaven. You serve Death, and that old goat’s above all that. I, on the other hand, am right in the middle of it. My brothers and sisters are at risk, and I can’t have their wellbeing in the hands of a bureaucratic half-wit who just likes the way power makes him feel. They need a ruler who cares like I do”

Tessa couldn’t help but feel something. Her allegiances had shifted over the years from Death’s utterly neutral stance towards those who were supposed to be the good ones. But even she saw that heaven was becoming a battlefield rotting over not only with corpses, but with corruption and betrayal. She said she’d think about it. Then she left and advised Abaddon to do the same. A demon really wasn’t allowed to be this close to heaven.

Tessa turned herself into someone shorter with some piercings and a head of bright red hair like Abaddon’s. It wouldn’t help her get into the demon’s head, but a girl could try. She headed off to watch a sunrise in Greece. Still, this far away, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Abaddon was in control. And Tessa wasn’t nearly as unwilling as she should have been to give in to that control. The demon had an intoxicating effect on her.

* * *

The next week, Tess hadn’t given Abaddon an answer yet. He avoided it until the answer presented itself in the form of a despicable heaven-bound soul. Tess led the man- Andrew was his name- into the same corridor he’d walked countless times, but made a left where he usually turned right. He walked into an office where Abaddon was meeting with a lower-level demon.

Her head shot up at the sight of the two intruding on her meeting. “What the hell are you thinking?” She snapped. “I’m busy.”

“Oh really?” Tess said, as he shifted into the familiar female figure with the dark shoulder-length hair.

“Not anymore,” she said, all the annoyance melting away. “Not too busy for you Tessa, dear. I see you’ve brought a guest.”

She nodded once.

“You’ve made a good decision signing on with me. How about we seal it with a kiss?”

Tessa took a step forward. She was still holding onto the hand of the soul she was about to deliver to Abaddon. His hands were getting sweaty and she did nothing to calm his nerves. He didn’t say anything but he could sense that something was wrong. He could feel that he was on his way to hell.

“I know you’re a demon, but this isn’t a demon-deal. No kiss.”

“Oh, but I really wanted to kiss you,” Abaddon taunted. “And I always get what I want.”

“How about a rain check,” Tessa said.

Abaddon’s eyes narrowed. She was… contemplating? Plotting? The intense eye contact was threatening for just a moment before it broke.

“Fine. Another time then.” And she was smiling in an instant. “Thanks for the delivery.”

“Wha-what?” Andrew shouted. “You’re just gonna leave me here?” he spoke frantically as he yanked his hand away from the reaper. His time was up and he saw no way out.

Abaddon lifted an arm and sent him flying into the nearest wall, arms flailing. She didn’t want him trying to run off. He obviously wouldn’t get far, but it saved her from the hassle.

“That’s exactly what she’s doing,” Abaddon said once Tessa was halfway out the door. “Oh, and Tessa darling! Meet me at the Rouge Théâtre in four hours.”

She turned her head back and nodded once.

* * *

Tessa checked fourteen different theatres before she found the right one. It was an abandoned building in Louisiana with red velvet seats, torn up and discolored. In front there was a stage with wood so rotten that it looked as if people, or more likely animals, had fallen through at some points. Holes and sharp edges remained. Rain was dripping through the ceiling in at least five places.

And there Abaddon was, in a pristine blue button-down tucked into a pencil skirt, seated five rows from the front, focused intently on the nail file she was using.

Tessa could have appeared right beside Abaddon, but she took the slow route and walked from the doorway to where she was seated so that the noise would let Abaddon know she was there.

The twenty-yard walk was agonizingly slow. The redhead stayed put, pretending not to notice her there until they were side by side. “Hello Tessa.” She said when she finally looked up.

“Hello Abaddon.” There was a moment’s pause before she sat down and asked why they were here.

“Because, Tessa dear, it’s raining here in Bogalusa. It’s too bad about that flood. Rain is what made this place the shithole it is in the first place.”

“You mean Hurricane Katrina? That storm was devastating. I reaped so many innocent souls,” Tessa said.

“Oh don’t get all emotional on me. I actually like it better here now. It’s kind of romantic…”

The rain check. Tessa realized. The kiss. So this was her twisted idea of romantic?

“…And now that it’s raining.” She leaned over and planted her lips firmly on Tessa’s. She let it happen. She let Abaddon’s hand end up tangled in her dark hair, and she let her body react in a way she couldn’t have expected. The kiss deepened and Tessa’s tongue ended up tracing along the inside of Abaddon’s upper lip. One of Tessa’s hands ended up resting along her waist. She just closed her eyes and allowed her body to feel the human sensations that came along with dressing up like a human.

“So,” Abaddon half-spoke, half-moaned, when she broke the kiss for a breath of air, “you keep bringing me souls every now and then, and I’ll…”

“You’ll what?”

“I’ll make you my queen. You get more freedom in hell than any other reaper. And you keep you status in heaven of course.”

Tessa pulled Abaddon back in and kissed her again. “Sounds good,” she said, letting the words get garbled as she spoke them.

After a few more moments of kisses littered with heavy breaths, Tessa broke away again and asked “so that all you wanted to talk about? Why you brought me here?”

Abaddon trailed her fingers down Tessa’s head and let them rest near the bottom of her neck. “Firstly, I didn’t bring you. You came completely on your own free will. And secondly, who says we need to talk?” She leaned in once more, except this time, it was to kiss Tessa’s neck right at the edge of where her hand was already placed, her grip slightly tighter now.

* * *

It was just enough rebellion for Tess. She couldn’t technically get into trouble for working with Abaddon, but it was still something that was not done. Death was the one to officially set the rules, but the angels and the other reapers were the ones who enforced them.

There was still risk. There always would be, but her life seemed so much more exciting now so it was worth it. It wasn’t so much the cause of taking down Crowley that motivated her. It wasn’t even the promise of eventual reward. This was a chance to take justice into her own hands, and to take control of her life for once.

So Tess decided to continue diverting souls to Abaddon. No one noticed except the souls themselves, but their cries couldn’t bother her. Not when they were as guilty as they were.

The next few weeks they fell into a sort of routine. Well, at least as much as a woman like Abaddon would be bound to any schedule. Abaddon wouldn’t disclose more information than was necessary for Tess’s part in the scheme, and sometimes other things got in the way of their meeting times. Tess didn’t ask. Abaddon didn’t tell. Not at first.

One day, after Tessa brought Abaddon a bank robber who got shot, they went back to the Rouge Théâtre. That was also a part of their routine, but the locations varied wildly. This day, though, back where it all began, Abaddon pushed Tessa against the stage.

“How about it, whore? Mind if I’m rougher than usual?” She didn’t wait for an answer before he started pulling the mint green t-shirt over Tessa’s head.

But Tessa was nodding her head through the fabric as it stretched past her face. “Whatever you want, Master.”

“Mmm. You’ve never called me that before.” She purred in return.

When they fucked that hazy afternoon, it was rougher than it ever had been between them. It was raw, it was real, and they both loved it.

* * *

They were basking in the afterglow, silently. It was Abaddon who spoke first. “I bet you’re wondering how I’m doing it.”

“Hmm? Doing what?” Tessa asked.

“Making my army,” Abaddon said.

“Well how are you doing it?”

“I could never tell you! Unless… Would you like me to show you?”

The burning curiosity was getting to her, but deep down she knew it would probably better for her to stay ignorant. That’s why she never asked, but when offered the opportunity to know, how could she resist? “I suppose I do.”

“Grab my hand and I’ll take you there.”

Tessa reached over and wrapper her hand over Abaddon’s and gave it a small squeeze. Abaddon moved and Tessa moved with her, through the ether for just a split second until they arrived somewhere else- somewhere new and dark.

About a quarter mile off there was a narrow waterfall, partially obscured by trees. That waterfall led to a river, and that river ran downhill right past where Tessa and Abaddon now still, hands still linked.

“Where are we?”

Abaddon said, “Everyone thinks that Hell and Purgatory are completely separate. That’s why Crowley had such a hard time finding Purgatory at all. But in fact, there’s some overlap. Not in the main areas of either place, but far off. That’s where we are: In the overlap. This water holds special power, drawn from the Purgatory, to create monsters. It gets absorbed into Hell’s atmosphere and slowly turns human souls into demons. Their loss is our gain. Purgatory’s meant to cleanse while Hell corrupts. It’s the perfect symbiotic relationship.”

All through her speech, Abaddon was looking straight out into the distorted landscape. When she was done speaking, she looked over to Tessa to see if she understood. Tessa sighed and replied.

“So you take them here and speed up the process?”

“Exactly.”

“But the process takes decades normally. You can’t replicate that with a single dunk.”

“Who said it was just a single dunk?” Abaddon said with an increasingly devious smile.

Tessa looked closer and finally saw it. It was grotesque: souls with ropes around their necks, weighed down with bricks. They were barely visible from the surface. They must have been there for days, or weeks, passed out from all the kicking and struggling underwater. They were upside down and vertical, their limbs moving only with the currents of the water while their heads were anchored to the river bed. There were at least eight or ten of them here, but there were undoubtedly more further down the river.

Tessa let out an audible gasp and rushed over to the edge of the river, looking closer, disgusted by what she saw. She inadvertently yanked Abaddon along with her. Once they were standing still, Abaddon finally released Tessa’s hand and reached  to stroke her upper back instead.

“If I knew you’d react like this, I never would have brought you here”  
“I just- Abaddon, I know this is all for good reason, but this is awful, even for you. And get your damn hand off of my back!” she shouted.

Abaddon didn’t take kindly to criticism as a general rule, and this day was no different. She indeed moved her hand, but to grab Tessa’s wrist instead and throw insults and “I thought I could trust you” and expletives at her. Tessa managed to get in a punch with her weaker hand. They were both angry and off balance and somewhere along the way, Tessa fell straight into the river.

She cried out and screamed, but it was too late. She started glowing blue as her grace was sucked out of her. Her most basic goodness was torn away from her and replaced with the groggy water that burned and scratched at her lungs. Abaddon dragged her out before things could get much worse, but to Tessa it was already a nightmare. She started violently coughing up the water.               

“What have you done?” she demanded when she could finally catch a breath.

“I didn’t do this Tessa. I didn’t mean to do anything. If you just hadn’t-”

“If I hadn’t?!” Tessa interrupted. “I have to get away from here. I have to go now.” She said. But when she tried to disappear, she remained in exactly the same spot. Panicking, she realized she was moral. Her grace was gone and she had become immobile. “I’ll walk if I have to! Just as long as I get away from you.”  
“You won’t get far. Purgatory or hell, either place you’ll get torn to bits. I’ll bring you back to Earth.”

“No you will not,” Tessa said. She stood there glaring, still breathing irregularly from the water. “You’re not who I thought you were.”

“I’m a demon, a Knight of Hell, actually. You knew that when you signed up. But I still can take you back.”

She was still scathing, but a small nod let Abaddon know it was okay to take her to Earth. Abaddon slowly closed the space of a few feet between them and took her hand again. She took her back to the exact place they had left from, near the stage in the theatre. And in a second, Abaddon was gone. Tessa wasn’t wanted anymore, and that was killing her.

 


End file.
